I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
did you just send me my own nude
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
