good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
