Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
