Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
