Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
