That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
