man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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