How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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