the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
