So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize