i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
