My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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