Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
