Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I stole a fireplace last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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