So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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