I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
