I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
