You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
