I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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