you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
