I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
