I think I am morally bankrupt
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
