Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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