my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
