I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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