I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You can't just leave with hair like that
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
