Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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