I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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