Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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