I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sobbing to NWA
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
