i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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