CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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