There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
