WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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