Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
