I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize