we're blogging at a bar
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
