If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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