another moral hangover. fuck.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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