hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
