my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
