I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
