did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
