let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
