we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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