Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize