How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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