should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
