saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
