The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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