Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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