before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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