I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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