Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
