I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
