I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
