Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
