Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
