Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
