yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
