you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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