it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
