What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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