Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
its not stalking. its research.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
