I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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