last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
