God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
