Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
