The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
do herpes really smell.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
